I will expedite this exit plan - it is futile to want to recover anything. Basically she wants me to just keep my mouth shut, and not have any room for interaction or contact so that she doesn’t feel uneasy or uncomfortable. Note to self: don’t give her any opportunity to talk to or about me. The moment she opens her mouth, I honestly can’t take it. Like literally I feel like screaming out loud, but she won’t shut it. I have to still maintain my composure and not lose my cool, because if I lose control of my temper, I am at the losing end. I lose. If I don’t want to lose, then I have to keep calm and move on. Just hold my tongue and best to ignore rather than to engage. No point having any nice gestures, cos it’s all an act. Just do the core duties to ensure the necessary chores are done properly, the rest of niceties just keep my hands to myself and not be a smart aleck. You don’t win brownie points for being fake nice. That’s how they all see it anyway. What’s the point of this whole marriage. Honestly.
A new normal. I guess I am adjusting to the way things are set around here. I am not sure if this is what I truly want, but the time passed is at least a tad more bearable without all the clashes and conflicts that ensue. It is perhaps not the most ideal arrangement, but minimally it causes less issues (or at least I hope). I don’t want to be that ‘fire starter’ that ignites and sparks off all the unhappiness. In a weird yet sombre way, I guess I do agree with PK at least in terms of the fundamental principles, even if the method is less than ideal. The distance wedged between the children and myself - is at least a protective cover that I can give them. The more I have contact with them, the more devastating effect I will create. At least there is time for peace, solace and quiet time of my own for reflection.
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