Breathe.

 I hate you. To the core. Yes will totally end this, if not for the kids. Any feelings for you would have diminished. I hate being coerced and forced. What’s there left? Just a. Lousy life of mine. Take it

 It has been a long time since I visited this age-old blog. So many things have changed since the teen years. Today marks a new resolution for me, a special commemorative one in terms of personal meaning.  My priorities will now be placed on cultivating my kids to be the best talent that they can be, as part of my mothering duty towards them.  I will no longer cling onto the past; it is beyond redemption and no point asking why we have become like this. It is a sorry state of affairs. I will look forward and invest my time and effort on the kids; and not care too much about the other things. There is a gaping hole and searing pain bleeding on the inside. Once they gain independence, I will be freed too.  So many internal OS that I want to say, but they get choked up. I know I will never fulfill and meet your expectations; no matter how hard I try. My own perceived best is never enough in your eyes. We used to talk about anything under the sun even when we were apart,...

ok i changed the blog skin.. feeling extremely random..bahh i just wish that we could really spend more time tgt. sometimes it's just really not that easy to reach u. i understand fully. just i can't help being a lil sad sometimes too.=( i am reading up on marx-the guy who philosophizes and came up with the whole idea of communism. Communism is actually a system that comes about after socialism(which still comprises of ranks and hierarchy)...and marx was actually inspired by this guy called frederick hegel. i was just surprised by the fact that he's actually poor throughout his whole life,getting exiled from russia and brussels.and all his 4 children died from malnutrition and poor health..his works and theories became known after he died. i dunno why i am actually blogging bout this.i think i am just bored.But i think he's a great guy.he did change the world afterall. sounds familiar? ah randomness ...

Thanks to chin for the flowers...u rock =D.. And here's a thanks to all the pple who have come down to support pas de deux!u guys rock!

silence is the loudest scream. and how true this is. I walked and walked... along this road where i see no end. but i finally found peace. where i seeked solace. listen to the silence scream.

The feeling of butterflies- Dancing a waltz in my stomach They just simply adore prancing around; All light footed and flutterwinged. Hereby where i leave my foot imprints Standing in the myriad of purple and green In Flanders where the field of poppies grow Between the crosses row by row. I hear the whisper of the wind Creating a symphony with the rustle of the leaves. I feel the soft soothing breeze Sweeping past me with a sneeze. I closed my eyes and started to think If only u were here with me, To embrace the tranquility and peace To enjoy the serenity and its scenery. If only you would leave with me, And make our escapade from the city Away from all the hustle and bustle Of the hectic lifestyle we have to lead. If only you would walk with me, Along this path of no return Embarking on the journey of never-ending And even if the prospect may seem bleak. If only you would stay with me, With no pre-empts and take the risk . Ask:When will we ever settle down And when will we be free? W...

The sweet venegance of evil, The bitter aftertaste of life. The blandness of the water, The sour tinge of jealousy hides. The deep ocean with shaded blue, The wide acre with lush greenery. The moon with the silvery lining, Life is everything from black to white. The screeching hyenas clouding the sky, The impatient blaring of the horns pitching high. Away in one corner of the other earth lies another Soft hues of the violin evoking a sad sigh. The prickly thorns that bleed, The sharp pointy edge of the knife that slicks. As a stark contrast to the soft and cuddly bear That always lulls you into sleep. ~ what is life really about anyway?Here's something for us all to fathom about...But it doesnt really matter all now does it?Treasure the present,reminiscence the past,and embrace the future. I love life to the core =)

I don't care whatever things that may happen I don't really want to bother myself with those things. I don't think i want to get myself involved in any shit I don't want to be wallowing in self-pity. It just all came as a concidence,and even too good a timing Until the point that i cant even believe it myself even. Is this all god's will,or it's just the fate's prevail Something that i can't and will never escape? I thought everything was out of goodwill I imagined everything you said to be real I never even once doubted your sincerity And now you're telling all this arent true. I don't want to know that what i believed in was wrong I don't want to be deceived and yet be the last to find out. I don't want to be helpless with my flialing limbs I don't want to be sad because of you. Is everything just too late To the point of no return, Or it's just that it's been like this all this while I have myself to blame for this plight? ...

Everything just goes up in a wisp of smoke Nothing's left;not even dust or ashes. The excruciating pain that pierces Searing through my heart. I chose to believe, I chose to trust. I chose my own beliefs And i chose the wrong choice. Gone were the days of happiness Encroaching upon us now was a mere fleeting shadow Of jealousy,hatred and suspicion Enclosing us in our individual invisible spheres. It's not entirely your fault Nor anyone's else I just feel like a complete idiot For failing to see the grotesque side of truth. Yet again,there's always a silver lining At least that's what i hope. Maybe things have an inner meaning we fail to foresee And the past,present,future are not that bleak. Prove us wrong, Earn yourself justice. Win over our trust, Make us admit defeat. Will things return to what they were, Or they were never pretty from the start?

Aim,snap and fall. That's why the illusionary strands arent meant to bear the weight of falling dreams. Everything seems so weighty and heavy at that instant And it goes crumbling down with all that rubble. I don't see why some things are beyond our control I don't understand why some things are beyond our reach I don't comprehend why some things are beyond our means But i won't accept all these reasons that point to why. Working my way through the rubble Trying to gasp for a mouthful of air in between the pants The glimmer of hope i am trying to seek seems to flicker But the dreams i sought to weave will never waver. Enshrouded by the horrors caving in Surrounded by the darkness swallowing me Bounded by the entanglement of threats and dangers I am still a living entity,unfazed by all the fears. And that's just me.Accept me for what i am If not just take your leave and i won't intervene. No point having deceits and detestable lies Face up to the reality and ...

orientation ended last night =D On the 2nd day of orientation,there was chamber pdp performance.^_^ chamber just rocks lar..we played czardas,bratja and fotbb again.Just that there were more pple in the audi this time round-so we can promote chamber better lol.But then,the keyboard sucks like hell.Firstly the sustaining kept slipping off my feet and i had to try to grip it between my feet..so that it doesnt slide off the stage somewhat.And becos of that pedal,i couldnt concentrate on playing..so i sorta screw up the piano.But then again,the sound produced from the amplifier was so muffled and loud that it screwed up the whole song of bratja lar.-.- sorry pple..overall bratja was screwed.lol..czardas was good thanks to chin again..and fotbb is the combined effort of chin and cy which received a loud applause from the audience.great job guys you all rock the house down that time..we will have more pple joining chamber and nat wont have to be the lonely soul during sectionals anymore..=p ...

I am drowning in a carousel of thoughts once again..It seems never-ending,does it?Similar to that of a bottomless pit. Seriously i think i am beginning to lose the rigour and the enthusiasm in the things around me.Ok maybe except for chamber ensemble.=)Setting apart from that,i am beginning to isolate myself from people.Maybe it's a "i just want to be alone" syndrome.Beats me,but my mouth just don't feel like speaking up.And i don't like to mutter under my breath,so i literally remain unnoticed in a social circle.It's either that i don't feel like talking,or i am just lacking of sleep.But there's an underlying factor to this syndrome:Perhaps i have undertaken a change in attitude towards life,and decide to be more rational rather than intuitive.All along i have been telling myself that one must have a postive outlook,but i think it aint that bad viewing life from a different perspective.Not that i have become pessismistic,but momentarily i felt as if i...

It marks the beginning of hell; and now it signifies its end.No more poring over books nor burning midnight's oil.The stress in the past is now a stark contrast to what we are having now-hell loads of fun,and more fun!Bid farewell to the mugging days,instead please welcome the new season of joy.Embrace the arms of mother nature;slow down your footsteps for once to appreciate the beautiful things around you.It may be just a mere smile,a flower,a soft chime of the clock tower-yet it's all these very trivial matters that we tend to neglect.They actually consitute a very significant and important part of our lives.Take a step back people-this is the very place that we all live in. 16 november-i will remember this day till a long time.It's the end of o's!!!omg.Yet maybe we are too accustomed to e mugging days-that it sorta feels weird that everything's over.You can even burn all the papers if you want.then it suddenly dawned upon me that 2006 is coming to an end.The 2 ye...

Woah.I just realised it's a long time since i blogged.Been too caught up with stuffs lately.Alot of studying to be done-and there's a pact between me and my god brudda.We have to score A1s for o'levels.And i accepted the challenge.I was forced to anyway-left with no choice.Cos if i dun do well he will flop his exams for the first half of the year next year. Well,i seriously didnt noe i could influence him that much.Unknowingly as well.He looked up to me as role model-yet i reflect upon myself and dun find myself worthy of his respect.But now becos of what he said,i will try doubly hard this time for o's.You reap what u sow.that's what ppl always say.And that's true of cos.i mean like..u put in this much effort that's what u will get in return.So why not just do your best for this exam and we can play like hell later?Yes that shld be the case. So many things that happened.I am just tired of everything.Tired of trying.Tired of waiting.Tired of being myself.So ...

This blog is revamped.Renewed.Refurnished.And it has a legacy that continues. I have deleted all the past entries-and everything's going to start from scratch once again.Everything's gonna start anew and fresh,and this time round i am going to start a new story of my own. cheers to the re-opening of this blog.=D